Within the Altar: A Young Boy’s Awakening to the Sacred Mystery of the Proskomedia
A boy’s innocent wonder becomes a vision of divine fire. In the altar’s golden stillness, he sees that the Mysteries of Christ are not distant theology — they are the burning center of a living faith.
The Sacred Mystery
Vasily Nikiforov-Volgin
For some reason, the word “Proskomedia,”1 which I was hearing for the first time, appeared to me in the form of silent nighttime lightning illuminating a rye field. It sounded just as mysterious to me as the words lightning, flash, northern lights, and the Volga definition of heat lightning I had heard from my mother — bread-glow!2
The Divine Proskomedia was revealed to me on a sunny summer Sunday, in the fragrance of linden trees wafting into the altar from the clergy’s garden, and in the liturgical chimes.
Before its commencement, the priest and deacon prayed for a long time before the closed Royal Doors3, kissed the icons4 of the Savior and the Mother of God, and then bowed to the people. There was almost no one in the church, and I couldn’t understand: to whom were the clergy bowing? To the pot-bellied church warden, perhaps, counting copper coins from the collection, or to God’s bread-baker, the prosphora baker, taking prosphoras5 out of a sack? I asked this of the reader, Nikanor Ivanovich, and he explained to me in intricate church words:
“They bow to the whole world! For it is said in the order of the Sacred and Divine Liturgy6: ‘He who wishes to perform the divine sacred rite must be reconciled with all.’”
The clergy were vesting.7 I couldn’t take my eyes off this ritual, which I had never seen before. The priest put on a long silk garment, like that of Christ—the sticharion8—and uttered words that rang like quiet silver:
“My soul shall rejoice in the Lord, for He has clothed me in the garment of salvation, and with the robe of gladness He has covered me; He has placed a crown upon me as on a bridegroom, and He has adorned me as a bride with beauty.”
The deacon, vested in his sticharion and seeing my intense attention, began to explain to me in a whisper:
“The sticharion symbolizes the tunic of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
The priest took the epitrachelion9, and making the sign of the cross with it, said:
“Blessed is God, who pours out His grace upon His priests; it is like myrrh upon the head... and goes down to the fringes of his clothing.”
“The epitrachelion is the sign of priesthood and the anointing of God...”
As he clothed his hands with brocade cuffs10, the priest proclaimed:
“Thy hands have made me and fashioned me; O give me understanding, and I shall learn Thy commandments.”
And while girding himself with a wide brocade belt11:
“Blessed is God, who girds me with strength, and makes my way blameless... He sets me upon high places.”
“The belt symbolizes the girding of the Lord before the performance of the Mystical Supper,” the deacon murmured to me.12
The priest vested in the most important robe—the phelonion13—uttering words that shone like molten silver:
“Thy priests, O Lord, shall be clothed with righteousness, and Thy saints shall shout for joy...”
Having fully vested, he approached a clay washbasin and washed his hands:
“I will wash my hands in innocence, O Lord, and so will I go round about Thine altar... I have loved the beauty of Thy house, and the dwelling-place of Thy glory...”
On the table of oblation14, to which the priest and deacon now approached, stood a chalice15, a diskos16, and a star17, all flooded with sunlight; five large service prosphoras18 lay there, along with a small silver spear19 and brocade covers.20 The table of oblation seemed to smoke from the sunlight, and a sharp radiance emanated from the chalice.
The Proskomedia was woven with precious words.
“The rivers are risen, O Lord, the rivers have lifted up their voices... wonderful are the heights of the sea; wonderful is the Lord on high...”
“hallowed and glorified is Thy most honorable and majestic name...”
The priest and deacon prayed for the remembrance and forgiveness of the sins of kings, queens, patriarchs, and all — all who inhabit the earth, and they prayed for those whom God had called to His heavenly kingdom.
Many names were uttered, and for each name, a particle was taken from the prosphora and placed on the silver diskos. The mystery of the Liturgy had until now been concealed by the Royal Doors and the curtain21, but now it was fully revealed before me. I was a participant at the transformation of bread into the Body of Christ and wine into the true Blood of Christ, when the choir sang, “We praise Thee, we bless Thee,” and the priest, with deep emotion, proclaimed:
“And make this Bread the precious Body of Thy Christ, and that which is in this Cup, the precious Blood of Thy Christ, changing them by Thy Holy Spirit. Amen, amen, amen.”
That day, I experienced an almost painful feeling from the impressions I had lived through; my cheeks burned, at times I was feverish, and there was weakness in my legs. Without eating a proper lunch, I went straight to bed. My mother grew worried.
“Have you fallen ill? Look, your head is hot, and your cheeks are burning like fire!”
I began to tell my mother about what I had seen that day in the altar, and as I spoke, I felt something like sparks streaming down my face.
“The performance of the Mysteries of Christ is a great and unfathomable thing,” my mother said, sitting on the edge of my bed. “At that time, even the angels cover their faces with their wings, for they are awestruck by this mystery!” 22
She suddenly grew thoughtful and seemed to become frightened.
“Yes, for now we live under the protection of God, and we partake of the Holy Mysteries23, but the time will come, my son, when Christ’s Mysteries will be hidden from people... They will withdraw into caves, into dark forests, onto high mountains. Your grandfather Evdokim often said: ‘Oh, fierce times will come. All that is holy will be desecrated, all confessors of the name of Christ will suffer a cruel death and mockery... And then the end of the world will come!’” 24
“And when will that be?”
“Those times are in the palm of God’s hand, and when that palm opens — not even the angels know. Among the Old Believers25 on the Volga, there is a belief that the Savior’s Second Coming will be at night, during a great thunderstorm and tempest. Our forefathers prepared sternly for that Day.”
“How?”
“A nighttime thunderstorm would come. Grandmother would wake us. We would get up and change into clean shirts, and the old folks into shrouds — as if preparing for the hour of death. Grandmother would light the lamp with a prayer. We would sit beneath the icons, listening to the thunderstorm in silence and trembling, and cross ourselves. During such a storm, relatives and neighbors would come to us, to spend the fearsome hours of the Lord together. They would bow to the ground before the icons, and without a single word, sit down on the bench. Grandfather, I remember, would light a yellow candle, sit at the table, and begin to read the Gospel, and then we would sing ‘Behold, the Bridegroom comes at midnight, and blessed is that servant whom He shall find watching...’26 Your grandfather often said, ‘We old folks will still live a while in peace, but our children and grandchildren will have to live through a great storm!’”
1 Proskomedia is the preparatory rite performed before the Divine Liturgy in the Eastern Orthodox Church, during which the priest solemnly prepares the Eucharistic gifts. Using a lance, he cuts a cube of bread (the “Lamb”) from a prosphora loaf and places it on the diskos (paten), along with smaller particles commemorating the Virgin Mary, saints, and the living and departed faithful. The arrangement of these particles symbolically represents the entire Church gathered around Christ. This ritual, rich in prayer and symbolic action, readies the bread and wine that will be consecrated as the Body and Blood of Christ during the Liturgy.
2 “Bread-glow” is a literal translation of “Khlebozar” – a poetic, regional Russian word from the Volga area, a compound of khleb (”bread”) and zar (”glow” or “radiance,” as in zarya, “dawn”). Khlebozar is a folk name for the silent heat lightning that illuminates ripening rye fields on summer nights. In the context of the story, it reflects the mother’s vernacular and the narrator’s association of the mystical word “Proskomedia” with the awe-inspiring, silent illumination of nature, linking the divine with the agricultural world.
3 Royal Doors are the central, double doors in the iconostasis — the icon-covered screen that separates the sanctuary from the nave in an Eastern Orthodox church. They represent the gate of Heaven and are used exclusively by the clergy at specific, solemn moments during the Divine Liturgy, such as during the Great Entrance with the Eucharistic gifts, and at the reading of the Gospel. The doors are typically adorned with icons of the Annunciation and the four Evangelists, symbolizing the beginning of salvation and the proclamation of the Good News.
4 Icons are sacred images of Christ, the Virgin Mary, saints, and biblical events that are central to the worship and theology of the Eastern Orthodox Church. They are not simply religious art or decorations; they are considered to be theological statements in color and form, and a tangible means of honoring the holy people they depict.
5 Prosphora is the special leavened bread used in the Eastern Orthodox Eucharist. Traditionally, a prosphora loaf is imprinted with a seal bearing a cross and the Greek letters IC XC NIKA, meaning “Jesus Christ Conquers.” During the Proskomedia service, the priest cuts a cubed portion (the Lamb) from the center of one prosphora to be consecrated as the Body of Christ. Smaller particles are also removed from other prosphoras to commemorate the Virgin Mary, saints, and the living and departed faithful. The word itself comes from the Greek for “offering.”
6 The Divine Liturgy is the primary and most important worship service in the Eastern Orthodox Church. It is a Eucharistic service, during which the bread and wine are consecrated and become the true Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, which the faithful then receive in Holy Communion. The service is highly structured and symbolic, recounting the entire story of salvation — from the life and teachings of Christ to His sacrifice, resurrection, and ascension. Its central purpose is the sanctification of the faithful through participation in this sacred mystery.
7 Vesting is a solemn ritual in which clergy put on their vestments (liturgical garments) before a service. In the Eastern Orthodox Church, this is not merely a matter of dressing but a deeply prayerful act, with each garment having a specific spiritual meaning and accompanied by a prescribed prayer. As described in the story, the priest recites psalms and prayers as he puts on each item, symbolically clothing himself in the virtues of God and preparing spiritually to celebrate the Divine Liturgy.
8 A sticharion is a long robe worn by all major clergy in the Eastern Orthodox Church, including deacons, priests, and bishops. Symbolically, it represents the garment of salvation and the purity of a baptized Christian, recalling the white robe received at baptism. It is the liturgical equivalent of the Western alb.
9 The epitrachelion is the primary clerical stole worn by an Eastern Orthodox priest or bishop. It is a long, narrow strip of fabric, often richly embroidered, that is worn around the neck with the two ends sewn together down the front. It is the most essential vestment for any priestly function, as it symbolizes the pouring forth of divine grace and the authority of the priesthood. Without it, a priest cannot perform the sacraments.
10 These cuffs, sometimes called epimanikia, are liturgical cuffs worn over the sleeves of the sticharion by clergy in the Eastern Orthodox Church. Made of stiffened fabric, often brocade or velvet, and adorned with a cross, they are fastened around the wrists by long cords. Their practical purpose is to secure the sleeves of the inner garments, ensuring freedom of movement during the service. Symbolically, they represent the bonds of Christ at His crucifixion and the spiritual strength given by God for the clergy to perform their sacred duties.
11 The belt (known in Greek as the zone or in Slavic tradition as the poyas) is a wide, often richly decorated sash worn by an Orthodox priest over his sticharion (robe) and epitrachelion (stole). As described in the story, it is tied around the waist.
12 Mystical Supper is an Eastern Orthodox name for the Last Supper — the final meal Jesus Christ shared with His disciples before His Crucifixion, as described in the Gospels. The term “Mystical” emphasizes that this event was much more than a final meal; it was the moment Christ instituted the core mystery (sacrament) of the Christian faith: the Eucharist. By transforming bread and wine into His true Body and Blood, He established a perpetual means for believers to commune with Him.
13 A phelonion is a large, ornate liturgical vestment worn over all other garments by an Orthodox priest during the Divine Liturgy and other services. It is a cape-like garment, often bell-shaped and without sleeves, that is put on over the head and covers the priest’s back and shoulders, falling down to the ankles. Symbolically, it represents the garment of righteousness and the purple robe of mockery placed on Christ by the soldiers. As the outermost vestment, it signifies the overarching grace and joy of the Lord that covers all. It is the Eastern equivalent of the Western chasuble.
14 The table of oblation is a small, table-like altar located to the left of the main altar in the sanctuary of an Eastern Orthodox church. It is here that the first part of the Divine Liturgy, the Proskomedia (or “Preparation of the Gifts”), is performed. On this table, the priest prepares the bread and wine that will later be consecrated, using the sacred vessels described in the story.
15 The chalice is the sacred cup containing wine that is consecrated as the Blood of Christ. In the Eastern Orthodox Church, it is typically made of precious metal (such as gold or silver), often ornate, and is one of the most important vessels on the altar.
16 The sacred diskos (from the Greek for “disk” or “platter”) is the plate used in the Eastern Orthodox liturgy. During the Proskomedia service, the priest places the central portion of the bread (the “Lamb”) on the diskos, and arranges around it smaller particles in remembrance of the Virgin Mary, the saints, and the living and departed faithful. This arrangement symbolizes Christ as the King in the midst of His entire Church. The diskos is often made of precious metal, with a foot and a stand, and in the story, it is the “silver platter” upon which the particles of bread are placed.
17 The star is a liturgical object used in the Eastern Orthodox Church during the Proskomedia service. It is made of two metal bands, usually silver or gold, bent into an arch and fastened at the center to form a cross, creating a star-like shape. It is placed over the diskos (paten) to hold the veils away from the arranged particles of bread, preventing them from being disturbed. Symbolically, it represents the Star of Bethlehem that announced the Nativity of Christ, and it guards the “Lamb” (the bread to be consecrated) just as the star stood over the manger.
18 The service prosphoras the five specific loaves of leavened bread used in the Eastern Orthodox Proskomedia service. Each has a distinct purpose. The first and largest is the Lamb prosphora, from which the priest cuts the central portion (the “Lamb”) to be consecrated as the Body of Christ. The second is the Theotokos prosphora, in honor of the Virgin Mary. The third is the Nine-Order prosphora, in honor of saints, prophets, and other holy figures. The fourth is the Living prosphora, for the health and salvation of the living faithful. The fifth is the Departed prosphora, for the remembrance and forgiveness of the departed. Particles are removed from each of these prosphoras and placed on the diskos (paten), symbolizing the entire Church – with Christ at the center – gathered for the Eucharist.
19 The spear is a small, knife-like liturgical object with a sharp, spear-shaped tip, typically made of precious metal. It is used by the priest during the Proskomedia service to cut the bread (prosphora) from which the central portion (the “Lamb”) is taken. Its shape is not that of a kitchen knife but is specifically designed to symbolize the spear used by a Roman soldier to pierce the side of Jesus Christ on the Cross (John 19:34).
20 The brocade covers are a set of three ornate veils used in the Eastern Orthodox liturgy to cover the sacred vessels. They include a small square veil for the diskos, a similar veil for the chalice, and a large veil that covers both.
21 The curtain and the Royal Doors normally separate the altar (sanctuary) from the main section of the church. For the majority of the service, the laity would be on the outside, their view of the most sacred rites blocked. The profound shift in the story is that the boy has been granted the rare privilege of entering the altar area itself. Therefore, the mystery is no longer “veiled” from him, not because the curtain is open, but because his physical position inside the sanctuary allows him to see everything directly, enabling him to witness the sacred ceremonies.
22 This is a reference to the Seraphim in the Book of Isaiah (Isaiah 6:2-3), who cover their faces in the presence of God’s overwhelming holiness. The mother uses this powerful image to convey that the Eucharist is not a mere ritual but a direct encounter with the infinite, uncontainable God. The mystery is the moment of consecration, when the bread and wine become the true Body and Blood of Christ. By saying that even the angels, pure spiritual beings, are awestruck and veil themselves, she emphasizes the inexpressible holiness, grandeur, and humility required to approach this divine reality, which mirrors the child’s own overwhelming, almost feverish, experience of awe.
23 In regard to the Eucharist, the Body and Blood of Christ are called Holy Mysteries because, in Eastern Orthodox theology, a “mystery” (from the Greek mysterion) is not a puzzle to be solved, but rather a divine reality that transcends full human comprehension. The term emphasizes that God’s grace works in a hidden, spiritual, and miraculous way that cannot be fully explained by logic or science. The faithful participate in them through ritual and faith, knowing they are encountering the direct, grace-filled action of God, which remains holy and unfathomable.
24 This passage is a reference to eschatological persecution — belief in a future time of great tribulation for the Christian faith before the end of the world. The mother is prophesying a period of violent anti-religious persecution. The “withdrawal” of Christ’s Mysteries into caves and forests evokes the image of the faithful clergy and laity being driven underground, forced to celebrate the liturgy in secret to avoid arrest and execution. Her words seem to predict the state-sponsored atheism, the destruction of churches, the desecration of holy objects, and the mass martyrdom of clergy and believers that characterized the Soviet campaign against religion. It connects the personal, mystical awe of the liturgy with the historical reality of impending suffering for that same faith.
25 Old Believers (or Old Ritualists) are a traditionalist Eastern Orthodox group that separated from the main Russian Orthodox Church in the 17th century. The schism occurred when Patriarch Nikon introduced reforms to align Russian liturgical practices with contemporary Greek models. The Old Believers rejected these changes, considering them a corruption of the true faith. They preserved the older rituals, including the use of two fingers for the sign of the cross instead of three. They were fiercely persecuted for centuries by both the Church and the Tsarist state, which forced many communities into remote areas like the forests of the North, the Volga region (as mentioned in the story), and Siberia. Their mention here reinforces the theme of persecution and the hiding of sacred mysteries, as the mother has just predicted.
26 This is a reference to the Parable of the Ten Virgins from the Gospel of Matthew (25:1-13), a key text about the Second Coming of Christ. In the parable, the “Bridegroom” is Christ, and His coming at an unexpected hour (midnight) calls for constant spiritual readiness and vigilance.
Glory to Jesus Christ!!!!